Jokes in the month of April

I'll let you judge whether this is a true "craft" or not, but I started a joke book in this cute little Yoshitomo Nara journal I got at MoMA last year (the Japanese artist who makes those delightfully evil but cute drawings and sculptures). Most of my jokes are nasty or offensive, but some are kid-friendly. A joke book is a great way to meet new people too. Pass around a journal at a party and have people write in their favorite, then read them aloud and guffaw inappropriately. Here's one that I recently received over email that I enjoyed:

On a chain of beautiful deserted islands in the middle of South Pacific, the following people are stranded:

Two Italian men and one Italian woman.

Two French men and one French woman.

Two German men and one German woman.

Two Greek men and one Greek woman.

Two British men and one British woman.

Two Bulgarian men and one Bulgarian woman.

Two Japanese men and one Japanese woman.

Two Chinese men and one Chinese woman.

Two Irish men and one Irish woman.

Two American men and one American woman.

One month later, on these absolutely stunning deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, the following things have occurred:

One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman.

The two French men and the French woman are living happily together in a ménage à trois.

The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of alternating visits with the German woman.

The two Greek men are sleeping together and the Greek woman is cooking and cleaning for them.

The two British men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the British woman.

The two Bulgarian men took one look at the Bulgarian woman and started swimming to another island.

The two Japanese have faxed Tokyo and are awaiting instructions.

The two Chinese men have set up a pharmacy, liquor store, restaurant, and laundry, and have gotten the woman pregnant in order to supply more employees for their stores.

The two Irish men divided the island into north and south and set up a distillery. They do not remember if sex is in the picture because it gets somewhat foggy after a few pints of coconut whisky. However, they're satisfied because the British aren't having any fun..

The two American men are contemplating suicide, because the American woman will not shut up and complains relentlessly about her body, the true nature of feminism, what the sun is doing to her skin, how she can do anything they can do, the necessity of fulfilment, the equal division of household chores, how sand and palm trees make her look fat, how her last boyfriend respected her opinion and treated her nicer than they do, and how her relationship with her mother is the root cause of all her problems, and why didn't they bring a damn cell phone so they could call 911 and get them all rescued off this forsaken deserted island in the middle of freaking nowhere so she can get her nails done and go shopping

Healthy, Neat and Cheap

One year I had a new year's resolution that I was going to do everything I could to be healthy, neat and cheap. The antithesis of this resolution would be ordering an expensive pizza for delivery and leaving the pizza box in the sink for a week (which I did last week). But, I've recently discovered a way to resurrect this resolution from the dead! Green cleaners have always touted their non-toxic qualities, but they're often expensive and some, like Simple Green, aren't even all that "green." My co-worker's asthma always acts up when she uses it, which jives with reports that it contains a chemical that's an asthma inducer. Green cleaning is the way to go. Homemade cleaners with vinegar, baking soda, lemon, etc. get your house clean, are cheaper than the Whole Foods-bought stuff, and don't include those nasty chemicals that have been linked to asthma, infertility and small testicles (if you're a boy). So I bought a bottle of vinegar at my Asian grocery for only $.79! I've used it already in my sink, and I feel cleaner, healthier and cheaper (in a good way) already. Find out more about green cleaning, and how to host a green cleaning party (invite your grandma--she probably knows some great tricks too) at www.womenandenvironment.org/greenclean.

Joyeaux Noel

Restaurant in Paris' Chinatown

Well, I'm off to France for two weeks to spend the holidays at my husband's family's country cottage and Brittany, and then spending five glorious days in the city of lights. Much of my activity in the country will focus on fire gazing, cheeze tasting and rummikub playing, as well as playing tour guide to my parents, who will have to adjust to the culture shock of being in the land of no Chinese people. But, there are some culinary intersections between the French and Chinese--for example, a love of duck, fruit sauces, sweet pastries and fresh seafood. I'm racking my brain to think of more.

And of course, I plan on visiting the Chinatown in Paris for the first time. Having never been there, I did some investigating on Chowhound to see if it's worth it to scope out a good Asian meal there, or if I shouldn't squander my limited meals and stick to the food the French do best--their own. I got a mixed bag, so I'll report back on whether one of the world's culinary capitals can do Asian dishes justice without sacrificing spice, freshness and flavor. Until then, joyeaux noel!

Holidays = Cute, stupid toys!

With the holidays afoot I've been making amigurumi and felted stuffed animals and ornaments at a feverish pace! If you're looking for some ideas too, check out this book, Plush You! It's full of absurd, sordid and goofy animals and unidentifiable objects that will delight everyone on your list (well everyone that counts)! Get it on Amazon.

And check out the drumsticks on the Plush You blog!

Chilly apple? Put on a jacket!

Fall is here and in Washington state it means a plethora of fresh, local organic apples. So celebrate your apples by giving them protective covers that protect them from the germs and denting forces in your purse! I've made apple jackets using a simple circular crochet technique, (like starting an amigurumi project) which just involves making a chain of 5, joining to make a loop, and gradually increasing your work to meet the apple's widest part, then reducing again. I simply measure along as I go. Add a cute button, a felt leaf and you're all set!

Cranberry ginger Chutney

If you're thinking of a way to Asia-fy your Thanksgiving Day meal without quite turning to Peking Duck and chopsticks, consider this recipe! I've made this a couple of times now, and I really like how this combination of tart cranberries, sour vinegar and hot ginger and pepper! If you're buying frozen turkeys now that they're on sale, give it a try! Sorry again for the late post. :-)

Ingredients:
1 1/2 cups sugar
3/4 cup apple cider or apple juice
1/3 cup apple cider vinegar
1 12-ounce bag fresh cranberries (about 3 cups)
1 large Bosc pear, peeled, halved, cored, cut into 1/2-inch cubes
1/4 cup finely chopped peeled fresh ginger
1/4 teaspoon dried crushed red pepper

How to:
Stir sugar, cider, and vinegar in heavy large saucepan over medium-high heat until sugar dissolves. Add remaining ingredients. Bring to boil. Reduce heat to medium and simmer until chutney thickens, stirring occasionally, about 20 minutes. Season with salt and pepper. Transfer to bowl; cover and chill. (Can be made 3 days ahead. Keep chilled.) Makes about 3 cups.

Ghoulish lychee treats!

Ok, so I'm a bit late on this post, but I just had to share my favorite Halloween party treat: lychee eyeball salad! I discovered this one 4th of July as I was sharing my red, white and blue fruit salad with lychees, blueberries and strawberries, and blueberries started falling into the holes of my canned lychees. People started crying out in horror, the little soft fruits so resembled eyeballs. Wrong holiday, so I revived it for Halloween! Since blueberries are sometimes out of season on October 31 and you often have to get evil non-organic blueberries from New Zealand, I wound up using evil grapes from California for this year's batch. I put them on a bed of black cherry jello, which mimics the look of coagulated blood quite nicely.